Matters of the Heart

The fam and I attended the wedding of one of my dearest friend's, Ella, on Saturday. It was a fabulous day filled with wildflowers, great food and fun people. There was a really good cover band playing for the reception. They started playing "Foxy Lady" and I could feel the dancing itch in my feet. I knew there was no way I was gonna get Jason out on the dance floor at an event where he knew maybe two other people besides Dylan and I, so I asked Dylan to go dance with me. He said, "No."

I was bummed, but got over it and decided I would get plenty of dancing in later when it became a big circle of tipsy girls and hip-hop songs. Well, I was right about that part, but before that time came, an amazing thing happened. It had probably been about a half an hour since I asked Dylan to dance when he asked me to take him to the restroom. While he was peeing he said to me, "Mommy, you know about that dancing thing? Well, my heart keeps telling me yes and no, and yes and no." I almost melted. How cute and how insightful. Doesn't your heart make you question whether you should get out in a crowd and possibly embarrass yourself too?

So I told him that when his heart is confused about something, my advice was to go for it, especially if it was about dancing. We'll have this talk again when he is about 15 and I can really explain the consequences of more important decisions. But for now, honey, DANCE!!!

We went out to the dance floor. It took a little more convincing by myself and one of the bridesmaids, but he finally started to move. He held my hands for the first song and a half and then broke loose and busted some major moves. Within about 10 minutes he worked up the courage to ask the bride for a dance. She loved it!! We got some cute pics that I will post on Facebook when I get them loaded on the computer. But, I did not want to forget this milestone and wanted to share the story with you all. I mean, how freakin cute is that!!!

I need a little less hard time, I need a little more bliss

When exactly did I get so old and fat and rundown? I have been feeling really grumpy and achy and moody lately. If this is another hormone adjustment, I am over it. I hate the whole Catch-22 theory that exercise gives you more energy, but you need to already have some energy to feel like exercising. That is the last thing on my mind at 7:15 after I have rushed to get up and out of the house in the morning, rushed through a nine hour work day, rushed to pick up Dylan, rushed home, rushed to cook dinner and then rushed to eat it. Yeah, I want to put on a sports bra and really sweat it out in the 45 minutes between that and getting Dylan showered and ready for bed. NOT!!! Plus, there are dishes and laundry and bills and blah, blah, blah.
Luckily I (think) will be able to take a small reduction in hours soon. With Dylan starting kindergarten I really want to be able to have a few more hours a day with him before he gets busy with his own life. I am going to get off work at 2:15 at least three, if not five days a week starting in August. I am hoping the extra 3-4 hours will feel like a rainfall of time. Time I desperately need to get my body, mind, spirit, house back in shape. Or at least a shape other than a big blob, and I don't just mean the spare tire around my midsection.
You know the song, "Gotta Be Something More" by Sugarland? I agree, there has to be more to life than work and cleaning. The past few years have been a blur and while I am so happy and thankful for my wonderful family and stable income, I am ready to enjoy life. I don't want to wait for retirement to be able to take a breath. I have been working since I was 15 1/2 with a 4-month maternity leave. That is 16 years and I still have at least 30 to go. Also, I am aware that everyone reading this blog and mostly everyone on the planet is in the same boat and I should really stop complaining about it, but I am just saying what we are all thinking.
I want to take at least one 4-day trip every year with Jason (and Dylan if it is a kid friendly locale). I don't care if it is to the Gulf Coast or the Ivory Coast, but somewhere other than Central Texas and Oklahoma. I want to take at least one 4-day all girls, no kids trip every year, too. I want to have a romantic long weekend with Jason every year. I want to hire someone to come clean my house at least 4 times a year. Windows, baseboards, ceiling fans, cupboards, tile grout..........just all the really time consuming bull that I never have the time or energy for. I want to get 100% out of credit card debt and stay that way forever. I realize that is probably not a realistic option when we own a home, but repair expenses are necessary and I will reevaluate that "need" later. I want to work only as much as is required to have a good life and spend every spare minute surrounded by the people that make me feel happy, loved and appreciated. If you are reading this, you are on the list!
I want a lot of things, but they are all completely attainable. And right now I want to stop complaining and pack it up to leave work early and have happy hour with a good friend and dinner with my wonderful husband. See, I am actively setting my plan in action.

Quick Update

Hey bloggers!

Just a little short one to let everyone know I am still alive. Dylan is still awesome. I have still been reading (although not so fast). The boys just got home from a fun week in Oklahoma and I missed them, but enjoyed my alone time too.

I'll be back to blogging when I get some ideas. I caught up on all of yours and looks like everyone is doing great. xo

I will cut a bitch!

Yesterday I picked Dylan up from school and there was a note taped to his cubby. All parents out there know that only means one of two things, either your kid hurt himself or someone else. The note read:
"Mr. and Mrs. Burr,
Dylan and another student said some really mean things to the new student in our class. She is the daughter of one of the teachers at our school. At the lunch table they told her they were going to stab her mother in the chest and kill her. Please talk to him about this."

WTF???

I know Dylan is not an angel and we don't shelter him to all things violent, but I really don't know where he would get this language. We talked on the way home and he promised never to say mean things again. We discussed how killing someone is the meanest thing you can possibly do and how he would not like it if someone said that about his mommy.
When we got home he made her a homemade card with flowers and trees (and even a tire swing!!) that said I'm Sorry Nevaeh. (Yes, that is Heaven backwards!!)
He took it into school this morning and apologized face-to-face. The teacher thanked me and we are all back on track. However, I did tell him if I hear about him talking this way again, no arts and crafts for punishment, NO video games for a whole month.

Dylan Tid bits

Couple funny and interesting things that I thought I would brog about. BROG - bragging while blogging, it is what us moms do.

Dylan loves brussel sprouts, only fresh steamed. Crazy, but so awesome.

He has been blowing a lot of kisses lately. Probably his way of growing out of actual kisses, but for the time being I have gotten lots of both and I am enjoying them all.

He has been asking to buy toys after seeing commercials on TV. (I hate how advertising is directed at children, but that is a different blog.) So, I told him he could start earning money for doing chores around the house. Help unload the dishwasher, pick up toys, take things to the trash, match up socks. I add it up at $0.25 to $0.50 per chore. He has really started to notice messes more and has been picking up without having to be asked. We will be taking a trip to the toy store soon so he can spend his earnings.

They did a little play at his school of "Where the Wild Things Are". Dylan got to be Max, King of all the Wild Things!! They said they took pictures and I can't wait to see them!!

We are waiting to hear back from the school district about whether he got the transfer or not. He has been talking about it and is very excited for kindergarten. I think he is bored with his preschool. Advanced, but that is only my opinion.

We went to a friends wedding this weekend and everyone kept telling me how cute he is. Like, duh people, I know this already. Plus he offered to help the coordinator put away the chairs and did some acrobatics on the stair railing which got attention from the other dads. "Wow, he is so athletic and coordinated."

The temper is starting to surface and Jason has been getting the brunt of it. Mostly in the morning or late at night. Grumpy when tired, hmmmmmm wonder where he gets that from.

He loves to sing "Who's that lady?" when that Swiffer commercial comes on. And is also a big fan of the pothole commercial. You know, "I ain't got no phone, cause I'm a pothole. Sooooo."

He makes us laugh everyday at least once and yell at least once, but that is what 5-year-olds are supposed to do. I am immensely proud of him and I am overjoyed that I get the privilege of watching him grow up.

The Middle

I hate being stuck in the middle. Traffic jams, elevators, restaurant booths....they all cause a slight bit of claustrophobia for me. That is not the middle I am talking about today. Unfortunately.

The middle of drama is the worst. Work drama, friend drama, co-dweller drama (yes, Jason and Dylan do have tiffs that make me feel pulled in opposite directions), but mostly family drama really drags me down.

I come from a broken home. How stupid does that sound? Had my parents not divorced as early as they did, our home would have really been broken. Literally, my dad probably would have broken our belongings. That was one of his favorite ways to hurt my mom, to break cherished belongings or necessities. Plus, emotionally I would have been really broken, having to watch them fight all the time. Having to watch him go through life with no sense of responsibility. (He finally got some, I think, but it was too late and too short lived.)

So, we moved out and away and through it all. We were poor, but happier and safer. We found a new husband and father and brother and family. We tried, she tried, he tried. And we were happy for a time. A year. A decade. But there was a lot of grief and worry and heartache. There was a lot of being overlooked and forgotten. There were a lot of questions.

Now, as an adult with a family of my own, again I am here waiting to find out how the newest separation of family will affect my world. Will there be another greedy battle for money? Will I again be tossed away by people I was trained to believe loved me? Will I add to the list of reasons I only trust myself? Will I crack? Will I break again? Will anyone even know it is happening? Will I put on my mask (and my big girl panties) and forge through yet again?

I do not know the answers to these questions. What I do know....I won't be caught in the middle. I am not a therapist or a lawyer. I am not a "kick him to the curb" girlfriend or pot smoking buddy. I am a daughter. I am a child trying to live my life. MY LIFE, the best way I know how.

"I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."
- Mother Teresa

Reading and more

I finished "Island of the Sequined Love Nun" by Christopher Moore. It was so much better the second time around. I think I enjoyed it more this time because I am older and can understand the zany characters better than I did in my early twenties. This book is so good that I don't even want to "review" it on my blog because I really would like a lot of you to read it yourself. But, I will say this, there is mystery, humor, geography, sex, culture and heroism all mixed together to transport you to another place. Let me know if you want to borrow it!!

I started another book, "History Lesson for Girls" by Aurelie Sheehan. I am about half-way through. It is very good as well, but totally different. I prefer that, to mix up the types of books I read, otherwise I get annoyed. There are people at my office that read 10 or 15 books by the same author, about the same main character, back-to-back. BORING, that is my opinion anyway.

I am thinking I may read a biography or autobiography next. Not like a president or anything, although I bet Bill Clinton's would be a page turner! But, a famous musician or American icon or something. If anyone has suggestions, please let me know.

My payroll support part timer started yesterday. I think she is going to work out very well. She is sharp and dedicated and that is all I needed! I am looking forward to the coming months when the pressure is relieved and I can take a longer vacation without worrying about what I am coming back to.

Dylan got a stomach bug on Friday, but he was all better by Saturday morning. I am sure glad when those things pass quickly. We had a great rest of the weekend. I went to turn in the application for his kindergarten transfer on Friday. I will definitely post about that once I hear back!!

All for now.